Truthfully, this blog should really be entitled, 'The Parking Prankster attempts to open a bank account'.
The Parking Prankster, having occasion to open an organisational bank account, set off to his local branch armed with reams of identity documents. On arrival, the nice man explained that they no longer opened accounts in branches (so last century) and The Prankster would have to do it over the phone. However, please use our phone (to phone us) said the nice man. The nice lady on the phone said that the bank was de-merging, and that the branch he was in no longer opened that type of account. However, The Prankster could still physically open the account there (since this was done by phone), but she would have to transfer me to the other bank's phone, even though it was still currently the same bank. She also explained that when it came down to actual banking The Prankster would have to bank at the other branch, which was 30 yards away over the road.
The new nice lady (from the other bank) now explained that accounts could not really be opened over the phone at all, but that some forms needed to be filled in. No branches actually stocked these forms any more so she said she would email the forms to The Prankster. The Prankster explained that as he was at the bank right now he would really like to be getting on with filling them in straight away, so he could ask if he could have any questions. The nice lady said she would copy the email to the branch so they could print them out then and there. The Prankster then explained he had tons of identification with him, just in case it was needed but the nice lady confided they no longer did it that way (so last century) and that The Prankster would be verified over the internet.
By this time The Prankster had received the email on his phone. However the bank did not receive the email, even though they sent it to themselves. The Prankster forwarded the email to them, but they still did not receive it. The Prankster went over the road to the other bank, but they could not receive the email either. Strangely The Prankster got a bounce email stating the nice man behind the enquiries desk did not exist even though he agreed The Prankster had typed his email correctly from his business card. At this point their wifi stopped working so The Prankster left.
Slightly frustrated the Prankster popped into lots of other banks, but none of them were able to open accounts there and then. One of them promised an appointment could be had as early as the first week in December. So he went home.
There, he printed the forms, filled them out and posted them off (so last century).
The Prankster did chuckle when he noticed that the bank officers had a bad case of 'willy need'.
No doubt this will have been caused by all the frustration involved.
The Parking Prankster