ParkingEye anti-news page

This is a tribute to the ParkingEye news page, found here.

This is how the page would look if The Prankster wrote it

ParkingEye wins at their first County Court Hearing post Protection of Freedoms Act

Date: 4th June 2013

ParkingEye, in their first County Court Hearing since the arrival of Keeper Liability and the Protection of Freedoms Act, gained a resounding win. Luckily the defendant hadn't heard the law had changed and the poor sap tried to argue he was not the driver. Even better, neither he nor the judge spotted our Parking Charge notices were not compliant (we forgot to name 'the creditor' - oops!) and so we pulled one out of the fire! Whoopee doo! It's just like winning on penalties after extra time! Or The Tour de France on drugs! The defendant had to pay ParkingEye the £100 Parking Charge plus costs.

ParkingEye would like to thank LPC – who attended the court on behalf of ParkingEye – for their successful work on this matter.

As we pay LPC at least £200 per case we only made £100 loss in going to court. It was worth it though, just to see the look on the motorist's face.

CCBC Integration

Date: 4th June 2013

ParkingEye is now processing County Court Claims in bulk via the Northampton County Court Bulk Centre (CCBC) / Claims Production Centre (CPC). We're getting through about 2,000 a month these days. At an average loss of £100 for each case that goes to court, we could be in the hole for £200,000 a month. Let's hope our shareholders don't read this news page.

ParkingEye appoint LPC Law

Date: 4th June 2013

ParkingEye is pleased to announce that we have appointed nationwide law firm LPC Law to represent us at County Court hearings. They charge us £200-£300 a time, or more if the hearing lasts over 3 hours. That means if we win, we lose. If we lose, we lose even more. It's a lose-lose situation for us. That certainly proves the truth of the old adage, 'when you go to court, only the lawyers win'. Still, we don't care. Stiffing it to motorists is our game, and the more the merrier, no matter what it costs us.

Latest Court Wins

Date: 4th June 2013

Here is a selection of some of our latest wins at County Court.

They were pretty much all default judgements, from people who moved house and never got our letters. That means we don't know where they live so have forked out £75 without much hope of getting any of it back. Never mind, we like to post their names up so we can brag.

It might be contravening the Data Protection Act doing this - we heard another parking company got into trouble for the same - but we don't care. If we get fined we've got plenty big pockets.

Anyway, we suspect some of them might have given us false names, the little rascals.

Claim Number	Name		Claim Number	Name
3QT46121	John MaybeWontPay		3YJ66191	Jane TuckerOffPE
3QT58351	John SpillTheBeans		3QT52121	Jane PESukz